overwhelmed

2026.01.22

Sometimes I don’t know what to think anymore. I’ve been going through levels of emotional intensity this week that I never knew existed and for all the answers I thought were clear, there is now a new fuzziness around everything.

I chose to live moments. To leave questions for later, intentionally, in an effort to curb my incessant overthinking. But good lord, even as I take in the joy and let it flow through my mind, I know in my heart that this is not going to last and that these answers are coming. And fuzzy as they are, I know what they will be.

So I enjoy the moment. Not oblivious, but mindful, creating a memory to cherish for years to come, when the game is long over, and to warm my heart when cold reality kicks in.

Take joy when you can. In whatever flavour. And savour it in the moment. Because it’s so fleeting, and you never know when the next time will be.

(Side note, since I realize it might sound like it is… This isn’t a post about sex. It’s about connection, and closeness, and emotional intimacy. And literal joy, not as a metaphor, but as a deep feeling of belonging.)

magic

2026.01.12

Some days are magical. Sometimes, it happens twice in a row, like last weekend.

Brunch, live baroque music, great weather… Walking around the city’s smaller and bigger streets, turning on a whim, paying no mind to the clock… Simply enjoying the company, enjoying the moment… Lots of hugs and linked arms and holding hands, deep conversations and silly jokes, warm coffees and cozy teas.

The love of beautiful friendships.

Yes, some days bring magic to your life. And it lifts you up like a leaf in the wind. Et la vie est belle.

first hours

2026.01.02

Yesterday was a perfect beginning. If this is the vibe for the year, we’re gonna be cool, 2026. Keep that up. ♥️

ups and downs

2025.04.07

Dysphoria hits, I hit back.
Depression hits, I hit back.
I get up again the next day.
I’m tired.
But I’m not done yet.

There are things I’m looking forward to this month. Things I hope will be beautiful, things I dread will be heartbreaking again (they’re the same things of course) I try not to get my hopes up and just go with the flow, I try to remove expectations from the equations, but the math keeps mathing on its own in my subconscious, like gears turning without a brake to control them.

I overthink and I overfeel. I stopped overloving at least, or at least I think I did. I kept only the hopeless in hopeless romantic, but I try to remember the romantic.

I ramble on paper, on screen, and in my head.
(Mostly in my head)

I still get carried away but I cautiously rein it in with intention, with fear, with despair.

With sorrow and resignation

I choose to rein it in and compress it back into a small ball, tucked into the deepest corners of my soul, present but ignored.

Left on the side of the road.

Healing in a non-linear fashion.

Because hope is a fossil fuel
Burning off dead dreams

And I realize, in time,
That I’m running out of dreams.

The Babadook

2022.10.24

This isn’t really a mini-review, but I saw The Babadook (2014) again for the first time in years. I don’t quite remember my take back then, but I really liked it now, probably one of the best representation of grief on screen that I’ve seen, blending the imaginary with the real to show how utterly destructive and annihilating unchecked emotions can be… and a poignant final message that sets it apart from others in the genre.

Beautifully done.

Coincidentally, as I post this, I realize I saw it on the 23rd, meaning it was seven months to the day since Dad left us. Seems oddly fitting…

rambling

2022.06.23

Just realized today’s three months since my dad’s gone. Coincidentally, for the last couple of nights I’ve had dreams where he was and we talked. Nothing special, the kind of everyday stuff when I visited my parents, except in one where they wanted to sell the house. I didn’t want them to sell the house. I think I’m afraid my mom might want to sell the house at some point, I was gutted when they sold my grandpa’s house in Spain a few years back, I keep dreaming of buying it back some day. I’m very attached to things I guess. Anyway in the haze of semi-wakeness, where the dream continues but it starts to break down because I know it’s a dream… I was glad I could see him again.

Clearings in the mist

2021.07.04

Feels funny to suddenly realize a certain inevitably to something… A “aha” moment, when it clicks one’s no longer considering the “if” any longer, but the “when”, or even the “how”.

Some epiphanies take time, but there’s also only one way to find out where this road is going.

No, I’m not drunk. To be continued.

Introducing the “Duckmeister”

2013.01.19

So for my comeback post I’ve chosen to present my latest little dream concept, a Cessna 337 Skymaster Amphibian. I call it the “Duckmeister”… Want to know more? Discover it on freylia.net!