poetry scraps #13

2024.09.24

No one
No one’s first thought in the morning
No one’s good morning text
No one’s “tell me about your day”
No one’s “this made me think of you”
No one’s “welcome home”
No one’s “I love you”
No one to fill the void
No one’s someone
Invisible
Broken
Alone
Watching the sea erase
My footprints in the sand
Til not a trace remains
That I was ever here
But there’s no one
To notice

three little words (poetry scraps #12)

2024.09.23

how is it that three little words can make a heart feel so big
yet make a soul feel so small
a cry for connections impossible
unanswered prayers lost in the depths
though the heart stays afloat, fighting against the current
pretending to swim as it tries not to drown
elated yet crushed at the same time
wondering why it keeps bidding for attention
desperate compulsion born of desperate thoughts
three little words that carry so much weight
but they’re so deep inside it can’t be freed
dark waters rise under the shadow of an indifferent moon
and the cold light of distant stars
the heart feels
but the soul knows
and pain overcomes everything
until my feet touch the bottom
and I can finally stand and breathe
on Lethe’s shore, the final crossing
forgetting everything and everyone
forgetting these three words
even existed
maybe then, peace



fragmentos poéticos #11

2024.09.17

Alma rebelde
Y salvaje
Que se libra
De cualquier jaula
Alma bella
Y brillante
Que ilumina
El más oscuro de los días
Ojos que reflejan el mundo
Con sed de horizontes lejanos
Anhelo de tierras desconocidas
Alegría del movimiento perpetuo
Sin anclajes
Solo quizá, un hilo
Invisible y delicado
Que te di como Ariadna
Confiando en que no lo soltarías
Un hilo precioso y frágil
Uniendo nuestras almas
Mientras espero tu regreso
Pajarito salvaje
No seré nunca jaula ni anclaje
Sino nido, abierto y cálido
Un refugio seguro
Siempre que quieras descansar

Adjustments

2024.09.15

After the mess that this summer has been and considering my general state of mind about… *waves around* stuff… I’m scaling back a few things.

I deleted my linktr.ee thing and downgraded my Insta to a personal, private account.

I’ve deleted all my poetry from Insta as well, and will no longer be sharing it there. I can’t quite put my finger on what exactly happened, probably a combination of factors (in no small part the aforementioned summer), but it felt too exposed. As a result, I’m withdrawing from that particular stage.

I’m not entirely sure about keeping it posted here to be honest. Not that anyone reads this page except me, I know my numbers. This website sees as much traffic as a deserted gas station on the side of an abandoned road. But it’s still public and that means I might feel too exposed here too at some point. We’ll see. Right now I’m kind of ok with it though.

It might sound like I’m retreating into my shell for safety and that’s in a way exactly what it is. These past few months have seen me take risks and challenge the boundaries of my comfort zone to an extent I had never done before, and while I’m proud of it, it also took its toll and as tides ebb and flow, so does my mental health. I’m limiting my online exposure to focus on therapy, restoring my lost routines, and expanding more meaningful IRL connections. I can only do so much, and socials are the easiest branch to cut off.

Anyway that’s the update, adjusting the sails. Heartbreaks and emotional upheavals don’t fix themselves in a day. I’m not well yet but I’ll get there.

Blues Sister

2024.09.07

It’s 380 miles to Asturias, I have a full tank of gas, a full pack of gummy bears, it’s daylight and I’m wearing sunglasses.

Let’s hit it.

poetry scraps #6

2024.09.01

Thoughts racing
Like windmills
Heart rushing through,

Don Quixote under spell
Brain, a futile Sancho
Trying to bring it to reason
Dry plains under a harsh sun
Dreaming a promise of rain
A Summer marked by falls
A Fall that begins with standing up again
Picking up the pieces
The endless cycle
This is not the end
Just a new beginning
Again,
And again,
And again…

Madama Butterfly!

2024.09.01

Back at my beloved Palau to see Madama Butterfly, a genuine bucket list item that I finally got to cross out yesterday. But what an eerily fitting way though to cap off a month full of emotional turmoil, to watch the doomed romance between Cio-Cio-San and Pinkerton. I’d been waiting for this day for literal years, yet I never imagined it would come as a bookend to what turned out to be a cruelly bittersweet summer. Life truly make things fall into place in funny ways sometimes…