This letting go thing is never easy, but it was necessary, and the mind knew it way before the heart could. I find comfort in knowing I’m stronger for it and climbing this mountain a little bit higher every day, and my heart is in a safer place now, even if I don’t know when it will ever be ready to open itself up again.
Truth is, the beauty that these awakenings happened at all is a gift that will remain dear to my heart long after any lingering pain is gone. It rekindled and brought out of me emotions that I thought lost forever, and for this I am so tremendously grateful.
And I truly cannot think of a worthier person I could have felt them for.
Three years ago today, I started a journey. Who knew a couple of pills could be so daunting? Taking them for the first time was without a doubt the bravest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.
Two years ago, I told the world. I braced for consequences… and received nothing but love and acceptance. I am very fortunate in this regards. Not all of us have this chance.
And last year, I realised something was missing to go full circle. If 2024 could be summed up in two words, they would be “growing pains“. But if it could be summed up in one word, it would be “growing“.
This year was a year of the lowest lows and the highest highs. It was a year of smashing comfort zones and going farther than ever before. It was a year of firsts, a year of Pride, a year of friendships. A year of recovery too, and healing, and rebuilding foundations.
My heart is full of joy and gratefulness today for all the old and new friends who supported and uplifted me in this journey. One in particular stands out for bringing into my life so much light, and inspiration, and warmth. Thank you dearest I. for your unwavering kindness and your indomitable spirit, and for helping me through the worst days. To count you as my friend is truly a gift, and I am eternally thankful for it.
My gratitude also goes to many more, I can’t list everyone who made a difference, because they all did.
The fourth year begins now. They say struggles prepare you for the great things coming your way. If that’s the case, I can’t wait to see what 2025 is going to bring.
I don’t know what it is I don’t know what it isn’t That for some reason I am not worthy of your love I don’t know what it is I don’t know what it isn’t That for some reason I am not worthy of my own Maybe this is the answer to that Maybe the mirror cracked When I looked at it Presumptuous and vain Thinking I was ready Maybe the mirror cracked To show me not the way But my distortions When I knew them by heart and thought them conquered Presumptuous and vain Running not towards light But false reflections When the mirror cracked And I realized that for all my efforts I would never reach When the mirror cracked And my distortions exploded And my hopes were shattered Into as many razor-sharp shards Presumptuous Vain Vanquished I don’t know what it is That makes me recoil The reflection showed a broken path And I fell And maybe this time I am tired And maybe this time I don’t get up And maybe this time I learn the bitter lesson I don’t know what it is I don’t know what it isn’t That makes me so But the die is cast And it is faith gone And it is hope lost Because the mirror cracked And the light was snuffed And I got lost In the ashes of dead dreams
y por si es la última vez que nos escribimos, rayo de sol entre las nubes más oscuras, si este hilo de Ariadna que te dí acaba roto por culpa de los ladrillos agrietados de esos muros que construyo a mi alrededor que sepas que nunca te quiero olvidar a ti tampoco
me impediré buscar tu nombre en aeropuertos en canciones o poemas en hilos, en conversación, en redes ciega seré para mejor despertar, algún día con gratitud intacta, y paz, y amor anhelo y esperanza de un corazón abierto de nuevo
